I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
