Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need to calm my uterus...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
