In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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