I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
