how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
