When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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