how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
