I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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