I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
