I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
