i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
