Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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