Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
