Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
