We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize