he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
