He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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