There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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