we're chasing vodka with high fives
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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