you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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