If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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