What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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