i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
