Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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