I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You took a bar mat shot.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
