Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
