Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
