you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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