So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
