Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
