I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
