i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
