Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
