Already got asked if we're dating
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
