I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you win again, gameday.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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