I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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