I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
