He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
