You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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