hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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