i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
