Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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