I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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