I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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