i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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