I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
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