The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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