I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
