I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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