ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
